Life Desk :
A Pune girl committed suicide yesterday and left behind a note saying her parents don’t love her. The investigating officer shared, “She was being ignored by her parents as they were more attentive towards her younger brother. Through her personal note it looks like she was feeling neglected by her parents.”
Younger vs older child
Most parents consciously try to treat their kids equal, which means fair. But sometimes the two words don’t equate. A mother whose younger son takes more time in doing things than the older one, will find herself more drawn towards the needs of the younger one. This may lead to complexes in the older one. But when parents fail to acknowledge the difference in which they interact with their two kids, it can get troublesome.
Dr. Aruna Broota, leading psychologist, hypnotherapist explains, “In our Indian society, we are tuned to put more pressure on the older child. The older one is pressed with more responsibilities and the younger one gets away for being the baby of the house. This needs to change. Never ask your older one to compromise for the sake of younger one. In later years, this leads to conflicts between the siblings and can lead to ugly situations.” This goes on to define the way ‘unknowingly’ neglected child builds her temperament and can lead to conflict and create discord.
Children need love and if they don’t get it, they get emotionally hurt. Dr Gaurav Deka, Psychotherapist, Regression Therapist and Meta-Health Expert at Private Practice opines, “It has to be understood that no family can be fully functional. Many a times well-meaning parents end up engaging in insensitive behaviour that can harm the mental well being of their child. Interestingly, these parents don’t see any fault in their mis-attuned behaviour towards the child and are convinced that they have their best interests in mind.”
Boy vs girl
Kavita Mungi, Mental Health Counselor, who has over two decades of experience in the field of counseling youth and their parents reflects on the gender bias that is ingrained in our mindsets.
“The girl’s suicide note shows that she felt unwanted because the parents gave more attention to the boy. You’d be surprised to know that I get cases from across social strata, of parents who unknowingly give preferential treatment to their sons over daughter. As the girl grows up, she understands the bias and it starts to affect her mental and emotional well being.”
Does gender really affect the way parents interact with their kids? “Gender stereotypes are such that a girl child is always told how she should conduct herself, be cautious of strangers, not stay out too late, not go out alone but the boy is given freedom to do the same things.
Parents forget that it is important to teach sons how to respect women. Sons have to be made more sensitive and should be counselled from an early age,” she adds.
When such different treatments are given to boys and girls, they start sensing partial behaviour and their relationship with the parents and even the sibling get affected. It can lead to jealousy and the neglected one can silently suffer and develop deep rooted insecurities. Dr Deka adds, “Such kids can show Passive Aggressive Behaviour, a form of non-verbal aggression that manifests itself in negative behavior.
They may not show on your face that they are resentful but they are manipulating in their mind. This can show destructive behaviour patterns and those suffering from PAB may also attempt suicide.”
This incident is an eye opener. Your action can unknowingly push your child in a world of insecurity and grief. And only you can help them. So parents, please be cautious!
-TNN
A Pune girl committed suicide yesterday and left behind a note saying her parents don’t love her. The investigating officer shared, “She was being ignored by her parents as they were more attentive towards her younger brother. Through her personal note it looks like she was feeling neglected by her parents.”
Younger vs older child
Most parents consciously try to treat their kids equal, which means fair. But sometimes the two words don’t equate. A mother whose younger son takes more time in doing things than the older one, will find herself more drawn towards the needs of the younger one. This may lead to complexes in the older one. But when parents fail to acknowledge the difference in which they interact with their two kids, it can get troublesome.
Dr. Aruna Broota, leading psychologist, hypnotherapist explains, “In our Indian society, we are tuned to put more pressure on the older child. The older one is pressed with more responsibilities and the younger one gets away for being the baby of the house. This needs to change. Never ask your older one to compromise for the sake of younger one. In later years, this leads to conflicts between the siblings and can lead to ugly situations.” This goes on to define the way ‘unknowingly’ neglected child builds her temperament and can lead to conflict and create discord.
Children need love and if they don’t get it, they get emotionally hurt. Dr Gaurav Deka, Psychotherapist, Regression Therapist and Meta-Health Expert at Private Practice opines, “It has to be understood that no family can be fully functional. Many a times well-meaning parents end up engaging in insensitive behaviour that can harm the mental well being of their child. Interestingly, these parents don’t see any fault in their mis-attuned behaviour towards the child and are convinced that they have their best interests in mind.”
Boy vs girl
Kavita Mungi, Mental Health Counselor, who has over two decades of experience in the field of counseling youth and their parents reflects on the gender bias that is ingrained in our mindsets.
“The girl’s suicide note shows that she felt unwanted because the parents gave more attention to the boy. You’d be surprised to know that I get cases from across social strata, of parents who unknowingly give preferential treatment to their sons over daughter. As the girl grows up, she understands the bias and it starts to affect her mental and emotional well being.”
Does gender really affect the way parents interact with their kids? “Gender stereotypes are such that a girl child is always told how she should conduct herself, be cautious of strangers, not stay out too late, not go out alone but the boy is given freedom to do the same things.
Parents forget that it is important to teach sons how to respect women. Sons have to be made more sensitive and should be counselled from an early age,” she adds.
When such different treatments are given to boys and girls, they start sensing partial behaviour and their relationship with the parents and even the sibling get affected. It can lead to jealousy and the neglected one can silently suffer and develop deep rooted insecurities. Dr Deka adds, “Such kids can show Passive Aggressive Behaviour, a form of non-verbal aggression that manifests itself in negative behavior.
They may not show on your face that they are resentful but they are manipulating in their mind. This can show destructive behaviour patterns and those suffering from PAB may also attempt suicide.”
This incident is an eye opener. Your action can unknowingly push your child in a world of insecurity and grief. And only you can help them. So parents, please be cautious!
-TNN
