Mehr Tarar :
The war of the sexes continues. While millions of women globally do not enjoy the equality of gender, there is an obvious emphasis on bringing the issue to the fore today. In the West, the female focus is mainly on better opportunities, better pay scale and better acknowledgment of leadership, but not much has shifted for women in my country, Pakistan, and the region around Pakistan. There is not merely blatant insertion in boxes when it comes to genders, there is also a huge part of male population that is still oblivious to the discrimination that is a given when it comes to the female portion of society. The terms male-dominated and patriarchal denote the rigidity of a system that conditions people to conform to ideas and customs that leave a little or no room for change. But something’s gotta give.
The equality of gender has become a debate, and that’s where it gets warped. The real meaning, the real intent is submerged in the loudness of selective outrage and the hyping of issues that do not merit much attention. The fight for women rights is given the name of feminism, and there’s no end to that debate. Misunderstandings are aplenty, and the real issues get sidelined.
As debates rage, the emphasis is shifted imperceptibly to overtures that end in more chaos. In countries like Pakistan and India, many important narratives get blurred because of the divides of urban-rural, affluent-middle-lower class, “western”-traditional, religious-“modern.” And that’s where the bitterness starts to seep in to the discourse. Who is this fight for?
There are no simple answers. Females expect sociological changes to improve their lives, but not all expectations are identical. When one brings up the issue of gender-equality, one’s not hankering for a society sans any rules. All human beings live within certain parameters, and absolute freedom is oxymoronic as a concept. There is nothing wrong with living in accordance with certain rules put in place by religious teachings. There is nothing wrong with living according to societal demands. And there is nothing wrong with living as per your family’s customs. And all those who look down upon those who conform to certain ideas and customs are no better than those they regard with disdain.
The changes one wishes to see are not mere cosmetic motions. The changes in the system are to occur while being a part of the system.
Real life is not a Bollywood film. Real life is millions of people who behave and act in a certain manner. Real life is expecting attitudes to change at a very basic level, which would inculcate a system of values that would make fighting for rights redundant eventually. Real life is acknowledging who you are, ascertain your fights realistically, and then initiate a process that does not entail burning of undergarments or taking off of clothes or changing partners or living “wildly” to prove a point. Real life is the acceptance of what is, and making a space for what ought to be.
And before it all starts, look at the battles today. Everything is attacked. A woman chooses to be a housewife and a mother, and that is looked down upon by many. A woman chooses not to work, and that is derided. A woman cooks for her husband willingly, and that’s mocked. A woman chooses to dress up glamourously simply to flit from a party to party, and she’s a “bimbo.” A woman chooses to dress demurely while competing with men in a corporate set-up, and that becomes a topic of gossip. A woman achieves a high place in a political party, and there’s no end to insinuations how she got there. A woman chooses to live like a nun, and that’s not spared. A woman becomes an actress or a model, and her choices are considered frivolous. A woman dotes on her husband, and she’s looked at as regressive. A woman leaves her husband to marry another man, and she’s labelled fast. A woman decides to just be dependent on her husband for her life, and that is disparaged. A woman leads a single, independent life, and that is an anomaly.
The battles just for the sake of keeping the outrage going. And that to me is not doing any service to the real battle: equality of genders.
Start with your family. Equality of genders is very simple to me. Things would change when “It’s a girl” is as loud and as joyous as “It’s a boy.” Teach your sons what not to do, not your daughters how not to be. Say no to physical punishment, one cruelty that sets the ground for violence on women. Let there be no imposition of physical intimacy even on your spouse or partner; prevention of rape starts with listening to the “no” a woman utters. Imperative it is that you give your female and male children equal opportunities to think, speak, learn, act, evaluate and grow.
Respect the females in your life and outside like you breathe. Do you need to be taught to breathe?
See if your world and that around you doesn’t change. For better.
( Mehr Tarar is a freelance journalist based in Pakistan)
The war of the sexes continues. While millions of women globally do not enjoy the equality of gender, there is an obvious emphasis on bringing the issue to the fore today. In the West, the female focus is mainly on better opportunities, better pay scale and better acknowledgment of leadership, but not much has shifted for women in my country, Pakistan, and the region around Pakistan. There is not merely blatant insertion in boxes when it comes to genders, there is also a huge part of male population that is still oblivious to the discrimination that is a given when it comes to the female portion of society. The terms male-dominated and patriarchal denote the rigidity of a system that conditions people to conform to ideas and customs that leave a little or no room for change. But something’s gotta give.
The equality of gender has become a debate, and that’s where it gets warped. The real meaning, the real intent is submerged in the loudness of selective outrage and the hyping of issues that do not merit much attention. The fight for women rights is given the name of feminism, and there’s no end to that debate. Misunderstandings are aplenty, and the real issues get sidelined.
As debates rage, the emphasis is shifted imperceptibly to overtures that end in more chaos. In countries like Pakistan and India, many important narratives get blurred because of the divides of urban-rural, affluent-middle-lower class, “western”-traditional, religious-“modern.” And that’s where the bitterness starts to seep in to the discourse. Who is this fight for?
There are no simple answers. Females expect sociological changes to improve their lives, but not all expectations are identical. When one brings up the issue of gender-equality, one’s not hankering for a society sans any rules. All human beings live within certain parameters, and absolute freedom is oxymoronic as a concept. There is nothing wrong with living in accordance with certain rules put in place by religious teachings. There is nothing wrong with living according to societal demands. And there is nothing wrong with living as per your family’s customs. And all those who look down upon those who conform to certain ideas and customs are no better than those they regard with disdain.
The changes one wishes to see are not mere cosmetic motions. The changes in the system are to occur while being a part of the system.
Real life is not a Bollywood film. Real life is millions of people who behave and act in a certain manner. Real life is expecting attitudes to change at a very basic level, which would inculcate a system of values that would make fighting for rights redundant eventually. Real life is acknowledging who you are, ascertain your fights realistically, and then initiate a process that does not entail burning of undergarments or taking off of clothes or changing partners or living “wildly” to prove a point. Real life is the acceptance of what is, and making a space for what ought to be.
And before it all starts, look at the battles today. Everything is attacked. A woman chooses to be a housewife and a mother, and that is looked down upon by many. A woman chooses not to work, and that is derided. A woman cooks for her husband willingly, and that’s mocked. A woman chooses to dress up glamourously simply to flit from a party to party, and she’s a “bimbo.” A woman chooses to dress demurely while competing with men in a corporate set-up, and that becomes a topic of gossip. A woman achieves a high place in a political party, and there’s no end to insinuations how she got there. A woman chooses to live like a nun, and that’s not spared. A woman becomes an actress or a model, and her choices are considered frivolous. A woman dotes on her husband, and she’s looked at as regressive. A woman leaves her husband to marry another man, and she’s labelled fast. A woman decides to just be dependent on her husband for her life, and that is disparaged. A woman leads a single, independent life, and that is an anomaly.
The battles just for the sake of keeping the outrage going. And that to me is not doing any service to the real battle: equality of genders.
Start with your family. Equality of genders is very simple to me. Things would change when “It’s a girl” is as loud and as joyous as “It’s a boy.” Teach your sons what not to do, not your daughters how not to be. Say no to physical punishment, one cruelty that sets the ground for violence on women. Let there be no imposition of physical intimacy even on your spouse or partner; prevention of rape starts with listening to the “no” a woman utters. Imperative it is that you give your female and male children equal opportunities to think, speak, learn, act, evaluate and grow.
Respect the females in your life and outside like you breathe. Do you need to be taught to breathe?
See if your world and that around you doesn’t change. For better.
( Mehr Tarar is a freelance journalist based in Pakistan)
