Shonda Moralis :
Back-to-school after so many months of pandemic disruption has ushered in some adjustment challenges and common increases in anxiety. Here are some practical tips to help your kids cope with these ever-changing times.
Parents-put your own oxygen mask on first.
If your child is struggling with adjusting, first be compassionate with yourself-it is painful to see our kids suffer. The more we take care of ourselves, the greater the capacity we have to help our children. Whether we are aware of it or not, we parents are always modeling behavior, and our kids are soaking up our emotions like little sponges. This doesn’t mean we need to be perfect but that we are aware of our stress level and use the following tools to cope, as well.
Ask open-ended questions.
Instead of asking your child, “Are you nervous?” ask, “How are you feeling about going back to school, riding on the bus, etc.?”
Name it to tame it.
Recognize signs of stress: sleep issues, frequent headaches, stomachaches, irritability, negativity, behavior that is out of character for your child.
Help your child identify what emotion she is experiencing by noticing accompanying body sensations. For example, when I am nervous, my belly feels fluttery, and my chest feels heavy.
When we are able to name the emotion, we get a bit of distance from it, and we are not completely consumed by it. Only then do we have the opportunity to decide how to cope with it.
Validate their feelings.
Remind them that everyone feels challenging emotions at times. Listen more than you talk. Refrain from problem-solving, negating, or trying to “fix” the emotion.
Practice calming tools together.
Sit up nice and tall, take three deep breaths into the belly, and drop the shoulders. Do this on a daily basis when you are relatively calm, and you will remember to use it as a tool when you are nervous.
Practice guided meditations with an app at bedtime or to wind down at the end of the day.
Teach them that thoughts are not facts. Just because I have the thought, “The school day is going to feel so long,” does not mean it’s a fact.
Remind them that all emotions-even the big, difficult ones-are temporary.
Focus on their strengths.
Ask your child to name a time she acted courageously. Remind her that if she acted bravely once, she has the capacity to do so again. Teach her that she can act in a brave manner even when she is not feeling brave.
Create routines.
Predictable morning and bedtime routines are soothing to children. They feel secure when they know what to expect and can anticipate what is to come.
Enlist help when needed.
Finally, if you practice these tools and your child is still experiencing difficulty, reach out to his teacher and guidance counselor and let them know what is happening. Enlist a therapist who can help your child with additional support and tools that will serve him for a lifetime.
(Shonda Moralis, MSW, LCSW is a psychotherapist, mindfulness educator, writer and mom of two).
