Connie Zweig, PhD :
Retirement is like a Rorschach test for aging: We project our fears and dreads onto it. And we project our unfulfilled wishes and fantasies onto it too. Both are carried by unconscious figures, which I call shadow characters.
As we consciously ask ourselves whether to retire or not, perhaps over years of transition, many voices will arise: “I am a CEO. I am a therapist. I am a Mom. I am a writer. I am a businessman. I am a nurse.”
“Who am I if I’m not that?”
Most of us are unconsciously identified with our work and family roles, our past achievements and self-images. I call this figure the Doer. We cannot make the shift from midlife heroic values of action and victory at any cost, to more self-reflective late-life values of inner work, letting go, self-care, service, and spiritual practice.
So, if we approach the threshold of retirement in the grip of the Doer, we will hold onto past identities, worn-out patterns, empty meanings. We will allow our fears of change to keep us from letting go and entering the field of the unknown. And we will collude with a hyper, manic culture that values human doing over human being.
On the other hand, we may, even from a young age, eagerly imagine that the end of work makes all our wishes come true: having enough money to feel carefree, travel the world, learn new things. This, too, is a projection onto retirement, which doesn’t account for late-life realities of financial limits, health crises, family needs, and emotional loss.
I suggest that, if we can quiet our minds and observe our thoughts, other whispers can be heard: “I will have more time to follow my own flow, rather than live on the clock.” “I can return to the creative dreams that I put aside to support the family.” “I can become more engaged in that charity that I love.” “I will finally be able to meditate for as long as I want.”
In this way, using self-observation, we can detect our projections and engage in retirement as spiritual practice. We can start to orient toward our inner lives and notice the voices of shadow characters that are refusing the call to retire or romanticizing the call. And, instead, we can heed the call of the soul as it urges us to a new stage of life with its hidden possibilities.
And if we listen even more closely, we may hear, “I’m afraid that retirement means the end, death around the corner.” If you hear this message, you are encountering mortality awareness, which often arises with thoughts of retirement. Perhaps you can allow this awareness to lead you to a deeper question: “If I don’t stop working, will I die with regret?”
My client George, 73, refused the invitation to retirement for many years because his father and grandfather left him with unconscious internal images of male uselessness with the end of the Provider role. As he worked with the shadow character of the useless retiree, he began to let go and gradually stepped into the unknown. Gradually, he emerged renewed with a fresh passion for creativity and a surprising joy as a painter.
“I feel a sense of freedom that I didn’t know was possible,” he told me. “When I’m painting, it’s as if I’m doing something that I’ve always wanted to do. And I didn’t even know it.” He had found the gold in the dark side.
Retirement can be a call that ends the hero’s journey and launches a new stage of life – becoming an Elder – or it can go unheeded, and the precious gifts of this time are lost.
(Connie Zweig, PhD the former executive editor at Jeremy P. Tarcher Publishing, is the author of Meeting the Shadow, Romancing the Shadow, and The Inner Work of Age: Shifting from Role to Soul).
