Dr. Md. Shamsul Arefin :
Children think that his parent is the greatest person in the world. That is why parents must possess some qualities of parenting so that children can retain this trust forever. Parent needs to keep this mentality of children high. Often parents wonder how they can create an environment in homes and in relationships with children that will nurture children’s ability to meet the challenges they will confront as they grow and move out into the real world.
If parent expects that children to tell the truth, parent should not tell a lie to them or in front of them. Eating dinner as a family, it doesn’t matter what’s on the table but it matters just who is around it. Studies have consistently found that kids whose families have frequent meals together have better relationships with their parents and perform better in school. Get the child to the healthiest foods by putting veggies on the dinner table before anything else so that they can take green beans, cucumbers, and broccoli while they wait for the main course. Parent needs to get the children in the kitchen and by this way; they will be able to cook food at their own hand. Parent may give them a sense of independence. Cleaning house once in a month with children can be a good fun. Washing dish and clothes at their own hand once in a week will make them an understanding that they can do when they may need to face this kind of situation in future. Cleaning roads and surrounding places of home, trimming a tree outside home may give them a sense of cleanliness. Fixing mosquito net at night will give them an understanding of concept of self-help is the best help. Washing hand by soap as a habit to avoid germs to be taught by parent is very important to remain healthy. Parents need to enjoy bath time with children in a pond or a small river which may give them a sense of fun and belongingness.
Parent should keep a health history of every child in a small notebook about child’s illnesses, immunizations, allergies, chronic conditions, and medications. Children need to take exercise every day to have sound habits of sleep and immunity. Parent need to find activities for the children for their enjoyment and pleasure. If child discovers the benefits of exercise now, the child will be more likely to keep it up throughout his life. Encouraging good sleeping habits each night at the same time is a necessary condition for keeping health good need to be shown by parent’s own sleeping habits. Introducing parent’s past good choice like best liked toys, games, music, and books can be prescribed to children from parent’s life experience. Going to join different religious festivals like Puja festival, Christmas, Buddhist festive events and Eid festival with children will give a joyful way to teach kids about the respect to multi-cultural wisdom. Above all, parent needs to allow children to enjoy happiness being with them. This will give them the greatest sense of being appreciated and loved. The child can be reared in many ways like permissive style, aggressive style or assertive style.
“Oh, my son, I see your stuff is still left out. I guess you were too busy to clean up. I will clean up for you so you can find everything satisfactory and clean next time.” This statement does not hold the child accountable for cleaning up his items and does not show parent to be the authority figure in the home. The child does not learn to be responsible to fulfill obligations and will be less likely to turn for guidance in other situations.
If it is said that I am sick and tired of seeing your things all over the room. Why are you such an irresponsible boy? This parent demonstrates the aggressive style of parenting. In this situation the parent-child relationship may be weakened as child would feel that parent is not a friend.
If it is said that “Boy, I see your games are still not put away as I asked you to do so. It is really bothering family and I cannot stand seeing the family room be such a mess. If you clean your room each day, there are more electronics for you.”This parent demonstrates assertive approach to parenting. Listening to children, when children talk about things that may bother them, acknowledging their feelings and letting them know you have heard them. This will give a strong sense of feeling of belongingness. Blaming or shaming children is not a good approach of parenting.
Giving children options for choices, when possible, may make them respectful, independent and trustworthy in them. Children are more likely to cooperate when they have had a say in the decision-making. Praising children for positive behavior may make them confident. This style is most successful because it uses a healthy balance of both love and control. It raises child’s self-esteem because of communication such as child is loved and worthy of respect. At the same time, a massage that child is capable of meeting the demands that life places on him – he can tolerate some frustration and he can contribute to solving the problems he encounters. It builds a strong parent-child relationship, as child realizes that he can depend on parent to both understand his struggles and provide guidance and support. Using an assertive style of parenting, child is more likely to come for direction in the future as issues arise in his life. The children see their parents as a source of support, have a sense of safety, feel lovable and worthy of being cared for, listened to and understood, learn to be kind to other people, consider another person’s point of view, learn to tolerate frustration and disappointment, learn to be responsible to make decisions, learn that they are capable of doing things. Finally they become more independent citizens who can tackle difficult situations and contribute positively.
(Dr. Shamsul Arefin is former Senior Secretary)
