Weekend Plus Desk :
Since our culture sees complaining as a bad habit, we have learned to be silent over the years, even when there is a reason to speak out…That’s about to change. According to a research by Robin Kowalski, professor of psychology, at Clemson University (US), complaining can be a useful tool in bonding. It even helps us process emotions like stress and frustration.
The study further states that complaining, in moderation, can be used as an ice-breaker, to convey information about oneself so that others can form a particular impression of you. However, what’s essential here is to pick the right audience. Find someone you feel comfortable confiding in and make sure they support your purpose. Here are four ways of complaining the right way:
Constructive wallowing
When we share your story, we are making an intimate bond of friendship. This happens any time we are sharing an emotional truth about ourselves that shows where we are vulnerable. It makes the listener empathetic to our feelings. And that’s a great vehicle for bonding.
How to wallow
Journal about the things that are upsetting you or speak to a friend. Be honest. Take time to choose the person with deep care. While complaining, try to understand yourself too. Author Tina Gilbertson writes in her book, How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them: Ask yourself what upsets you? Tell the truth in one sentence.
Casual venting
While complaining is, ideally, solution-based, venting is not as focused on solving problems. But that doesn’t mean venting is bad. At times, you should vent because it’s cathartic. The positive benefits of venting are immediate:
it allows you to unload and offload emotional weight, thereby, reducing stress and unhappiness. But after that, make sure the complaining gets solution-oriented.
Expressive complaining
Remember that voicing too many expressive complaints gets you into a loop of negative emotion. Modern life gives rise to lots of complaints, but how many of us do a good job of it?
When done effectively, it can help you clearly realise what specifically is bothering you. Possibly, because you are hearing yourself speak out loud. Or, the person you are speaking to gives you a perspective you didn’t think of since you were too wrapped up in your own feelings. The research discovered that emotional disclosure is important, but the way in which you disclose it is what determines whether the interaction has a positive or negative impact. Make your complaints short and to the point. Happy people complain to find solutions.
Instrumental complaining
There is no passive waiting and dwelling about this kind of complaining. This is solution-based and is done with an actionable goal. People with high self-esteem tend to be instrumental complainers, perhaps, because they are more confident that voicing their complaint can improve things. n
But while at it, remember not to rant. Effective complaints tend to be concise, fact-based, directed at the right person at the right time and focused on a particular goal. Also, make your complaint directly to the person who has the power to fix it.
Journal about the things that are upsetting you or speak to a friend. Be honest. Take time to choose the person with deep care. While complaining, try to understand yourself too.
Since our culture sees complaining as a bad habit, we have learned to be silent over the years, even when there is a reason to speak out…That’s about to change. According to a research by Robin Kowalski, professor of psychology, at Clemson University (US), complaining can be a useful tool in bonding. It even helps us process emotions like stress and frustration.
The study further states that complaining, in moderation, can be used as an ice-breaker, to convey information about oneself so that others can form a particular impression of you. However, what’s essential here is to pick the right audience. Find someone you feel comfortable confiding in and make sure they support your purpose. Here are four ways of complaining the right way:
Constructive wallowing
When we share your story, we are making an intimate bond of friendship. This happens any time we are sharing an emotional truth about ourselves that shows where we are vulnerable. It makes the listener empathetic to our feelings. And that’s a great vehicle for bonding.
How to wallow
Journal about the things that are upsetting you or speak to a friend. Be honest. Take time to choose the person with deep care. While complaining, try to understand yourself too. Author Tina Gilbertson writes in her book, How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them: Ask yourself what upsets you? Tell the truth in one sentence.
Casual venting
While complaining is, ideally, solution-based, venting is not as focused on solving problems. But that doesn’t mean venting is bad. At times, you should vent because it’s cathartic. The positive benefits of venting are immediate:
it allows you to unload and offload emotional weight, thereby, reducing stress and unhappiness. But after that, make sure the complaining gets solution-oriented.
Expressive complaining
Remember that voicing too many expressive complaints gets you into a loop of negative emotion. Modern life gives rise to lots of complaints, but how many of us do a good job of it?
When done effectively, it can help you clearly realise what specifically is bothering you. Possibly, because you are hearing yourself speak out loud. Or, the person you are speaking to gives you a perspective you didn’t think of since you were too wrapped up in your own feelings. The research discovered that emotional disclosure is important, but the way in which you disclose it is what determines whether the interaction has a positive or negative impact. Make your complaints short and to the point. Happy people complain to find solutions.
Instrumental complaining
There is no passive waiting and dwelling about this kind of complaining. This is solution-based and is done with an actionable goal. People with high self-esteem tend to be instrumental complainers, perhaps, because they are more confident that voicing their complaint can improve things. n
But while at it, remember not to rant. Effective complaints tend to be concise, fact-based, directed at the right person at the right time and focused on a particular goal. Also, make your complaint directly to the person who has the power to fix it.
Journal about the things that are upsetting you or speak to a friend. Be honest. Take time to choose the person with deep care. While complaining, try to understand yourself too.
