Weekend Plus Desk :
It’s the height of wedding season and couples across the country are kicking off their new lives with heartfelt toasts that begin, “Today I married my best friend.” Misty-eyed guests smile at the sentiment — and why not? Over the years, our culture has romanticised the idea that healthy relationships mean husbands and wives are BFFs (Best Friends Forever) as well as loving partners.
But is that such a good thing? A growing number of experts say no.
“Friendship is a huge part of marriage, but expecting your spouse to be your everything is unrealistic and can strain the relationship,” says psychotherapist Joyce Marter, CEO of Urban Balance LLC, a counselling group practice in USA. “Women need and deserve multiple people in our lives who love us and offer us support, whether it’s for a crisis like a serious illness or a daily drama with a nasty co-worker. It’s not fair or wise to rely on your husband for all your friendship needs.”
Here are the top three reasons your healthy relationships and marriages can benefit from maintaining close female friendships:
It’s good for marriage
Couples who are BFFs tend to be enmeshed, meaning they have few outside friendships and spend virtually all of their spare time together. In other words, they live in a bubble. How boring is that?
“It’s a set-up for too much dependency and isolation from other sources of support,” Marter explains. Far better is to enjoy what she calls a ‘healthy separation,’ where spouses have different friends, work and hobbies that make them interesting and whole. You’ll bring more to the marriage party if you have
a life and experiences outside of your relationship.
Contd on page 2
It’s the height of wedding season and couples across the country are kicking off their new lives with heartfelt toasts that begin, “Today I married my best friend.” Misty-eyed guests smile at the sentiment — and why not? Over the years, our culture has romanticised the idea that healthy relationships mean husbands and wives are BFFs (Best Friends Forever) as well as loving partners.
But is that such a good thing? A growing number of experts say no.
“Friendship is a huge part of marriage, but expecting your spouse to be your everything is unrealistic and can strain the relationship,” says psychotherapist Joyce Marter, CEO of Urban Balance LLC, a counselling group practice in USA. “Women need and deserve multiple people in our lives who love us and offer us support, whether it’s for a crisis like a serious illness or a daily drama with a nasty co-worker. It’s not fair or wise to rely on your husband for all your friendship needs.”
Here are the top three reasons your healthy relationships and marriages can benefit from maintaining close female friendships:
It’s good for marriage
Couples who are BFFs tend to be enmeshed, meaning they have few outside friendships and spend virtually all of their spare time together. In other words, they live in a bubble. How boring is that?
“It’s a set-up for too much dependency and isolation from other sources of support,” Marter explains. Far better is to enjoy what she calls a ‘healthy separation,’ where spouses have different friends, work and hobbies that make them interesting and whole. You’ll bring more to the marriage party if you have
a life and experiences outside of your relationship.
Contd on page 2
