Life Desk :
We are a ticking temper timebomb. From a Facebook post to a roadblock, anything can set us off. But anger is not all bad. It can be healthy and even life-altering.
Aristotle was a bright bloke. In Nicomachean Ethics, he wrote, “The man who is angry at the right things and with the right people, and further, as he ought, when he ought, and as long as he ought, is praised.” But then, Aristotle didn’t live in the world of road rage, traffic jams, social media diarrhoea and impossible deadlines – enough to make our inner Hulk come out. “There’s a lot of stimulus available nowadays to make us lose our cool,” says psychiatrist Dr Samir Parikh. Life coach Dr Vinita Malhotra Jha calls “everyday anger” a big city problem where few people are fighting over limited resources. Parikh says, “But it’s just like any other emotion – it’s what you do with it that makes it negative or positive, healthy or unhealthy.”
Anger vs aggression
The word on the street is that anger doesn’t serve any purpose. Studies have shown that it puts your heart at risk, increases your chances of a stroke, weakens your immunity, leads to depression, and shortens your life. And nobody really likes an angry person. Anger may become a problem, but it’s not the problem. The problem is aggression – rather the aggressive actions that stem from anger, as opposed to being with the angry feelings per se. What, experts say, needs managing is not feelings of anger but aggression.
For anger to be constructive, it should be a two-way dialogue – the anger response should be justified, and expressed as the first step in trying to solve a problem. Anger becomes toxic when it becomes personal. “When expressed assertively – and not aggressively – anger is actually constructive. Healthy anger is a mix of effective communication of thoughts and feelings with respect,” psychiatrist Dr Bhavna Barmi says.
Healthy anger
The keyword here is control. Just like chocolate cake, anger has to be regulated. “In India, we love a good fight,” Jha says. But not even one per cent of people understand constructive anger. The first step towards tapping into your healthy anger zone is to become self-aware: why you got angry and how you acted when angry. Parikh says, “Improving your work-life, adequate relaxation and knowing your trigger points will help you deal better with it.” For instance, if you know that the commute gets you riled up, plan in advance, use soothing music or find an alternate route.
Little change, big difference
Involve your partner in improving your temper. Anger is not a monologue and shouldn’t be so. Jha’s tip: never write angry mails or messages. “Because the hurt lingers longer when you write it – it can be revisited,” she says. But don’t supress it. Suppressed anger is associated with higher death rates, higher risk for some cancers, high blood pressure, and heart disease.
Used right, anger is good. But it’s also the most difficult of all emotions to control.
Your body on anger
When angry, your nervous system releases powerful chemicals. Your heart rate and breathing quicken. Your blood pressure rises, muscles tense, and you perspire
You Need control, if…
· People say you always seem angry or irritable
· You respond with violent words or actions out of proportion to the situation
· You have a lot of broken relationships
· You lose jobs often
Vent Right
1. Wait. Process the situation. Let the moment pass
2. Why? Don’t jump to conclusions. You don’t have all the info
3. Who? If it’s not directed at you, is it your business to react to it?
4. Write. On why you’re angry. It allows your brain to cool down
5. Witness. Talk to a friend, set a time limit – keep it brief
-ToI
