You care about someone, and that someone passed away – a situation which is harder to face than many other things in life. May be it is a friend, a sibling or just someone whom you know, the loss of their life can make you feel like you have an huge empty area inside yourself. It’s particularly hard for youngsters to encounter the disastrous and surprising loss of a companion, since it occurs when you are feeling like you are in control of your life, and none of this “awful stuff” could happen. The shock of witnessing that incident could really make you vulnerable.
Additionally, the young face these situations when they are somehow putting some distance with their parents, and considers the friends are the main source of support. One may feel that they need them more than ever, but the hunger for self-dependency also makes them not want to depend on them too much. This can result in great feelings of confusion. So, there is a lot that goes on in one’s mind, body and heart when someone close to him dies.
A weird thing called grief affects each individual in different ways. Some may shout, some may feel numb and some may just not able to react when they are in grief. Both adults and teenagers mourn in their own time and in their own way. And eventually, this numbness will go away and the body will start feeling the pain.
You may feel like you’re crying constantly, and simultaneously, another may not cry by any means. You might feel angry with them because it does not seem to you like they are grieving enough or taking the death of your friend seriously enough. But that is not the case. A few people mourn by demanding to take care every other person and by making them feel better. A few people simply act totally insane. Some just get caught up in thinking that if it happens to him. And some just try to hide their grieve by showing their happiness.
I have lost a friend some days before in a very unwanted way. The whole country, the relatives, friends and well-wishers grieve on this situation in their own way. And nothing is wrong in the nature or way of their grief. Our friend is gone by creating a black hole in our chest, but the question is how to cope up with that black hole.
We always fear that we will never get another friend exactly like him – and this is very true because of his ability of bringing up joy to everyone in his own notorious ways. But this does not mean that we will never have another wonderful, meaningful friendships. Having said that, life must move on. And sometimes, the surroundings make us feel that we do not have the right to grieve, but the fact is all should deserve a space to grieve.
Sinha, we know you for the last 22 years, more than a friend and more like a brother. We have the right to grieve on our loss, but we prefer not to and keep you remain among us in our very own way. We miss you.
(The author is the managing partner of Miyako Appliances Bangladesh).
