Becca S Friedman :
In every classroom exists various and sometimes complicated dynamics between students. Some students get along and others don’t. Some students tolerate each other while others aren’t even aware of their existence. Bullying is a growing issue in schools all over the world, but what happens when you introduce a one-to-one iPad initiative where students, some as young as eight, have control over their own cyber-worlds.
In my 5th grade classroom, every student has an iPad and they bring it home with them after school. Presumably to study and complete homework. Our school was aware that students were also using the iPads to communicate with each other after-hours and we were doing our best to monitor and secure such conversations… but one slipped through the cracks. A death threat. A specific and detailed death threat sent on a Friday, after school in an e-mail from one student to another. The student who sent the e-mail was fed up with being bullied and he wanted even.
Amazing how recovery from such an incident takes far more time and energy than the incident itself. I knew that if I wanted a peaceful and productive remainder of the year, I had to think fast. I wanted the energy in our classroom to be positive as I wanted my students to continue learning in a safe environment. While I found a lot of advice on how to prevent bullying, I wasn’t able to find much on how to recover from the inevitable. That’s when I dug deep into my buffet table of personal life lessons, Oprah episodes and Dr. Phil analogies. I was shocked at how helpful something like marriage advice was in the classroom. “Would you rather be right or happy?” was a question I could carry from home to school with me, and back again. The following are some strategies that I found helpful when trying to repair student dynamics after a serious bullying incident, but these strategies may be helpful in dealing with a varying degree of ongoing issues as well. They are meant to repair by providing a new perspective and can be implemented with just two students, a small group or the whole class.
Pre-teens and teens can be catty. They can be rude and mean to one another with their words and body language. Try to nip it in the bud by having a meeting with the students involved and tell them that you understand they don’t like each other. This is natural and normal and you aren’t going to tell them they have to be friends, but what if you suggested to them that they choose a time-frame, perhaps one hour out of the school-day where they specifically don’t say anything mean to each other. Just this one hour. Of course this is not a free-pass to say and do whatever they want outside of the designated time-frame, but it sets the stage for what is possible. It creates what could become a pattern. Of course this would only work with willing participants, but is a great way to begin the change everyone wishes to see.
We already explored a different time-frame, now what about a different location. Sometimes kids get into a routine, where they know when they enter the saaame classroom, they sit in the saaame seat and pull the pigtails of the saaame girl who always sits in front of them. Try verbally problem-solving elsewhere. If you have to stay on school grounds, go for a walk around the perimeter of the school or sit in the courtyard. Maybe there is a bench or even another classroom where you can discuss what is going on with your students. If you are allowed to leave school grounds, take your students to park, restaurant or other public location. Sometimes, in the classroom where the bullying has taken place, there is negative (and contagious) energy and an already established expectation of which people play which roles. The idea of moving to a different location attempts to neutralize the unhealthy relationship that was previously established.
You’d be surprised by how much students care about extrinsic rewards. Whether it’s a pizza party or a field trip, encouraging the class to work together towards a goal creates a team mindset. Students shift their attitude from “It’s no longer me against you. Now it’s us against them.” Healthy competition and a point system where students have to work together to earn a reward can go a long way in both preventing and repairing student dynamics with regard to bullying.
Literally bury the hatchet. Of course most schools will have a rule against bringing a hatchet onto school grounds in the first place, but explaining the saying to your students and literally burying a hatchet in the school yard (of course you can dig it up later for safety) may resonate with and even humor some students. This could be a great spring-board for some of the other strategies.
This activity works especially well immediately following a bullying incident, when the negative energy is still fresh in the students’ minds. As the one of the first steps when little to no repair efforts have yet been made. Start by discussing with students the idea that when people are no longer here (whether they moved away or died) they are remembered for specific qualities. “Oh, she was a really sweet girl.” Or “Yea, he was an incredibly stubborn man.” Likewise, classes are remembered when they graduate and are no longer here. “Gee, the class of 2012 sure was a creative group of kids.” Or “The class of 2013 really was a rowdy bunch.” On the left side of a large poster board or even bulletin board paper, write down what students say when you ask them “As of right now, how do you think we will be remembered?” Chances are their words will reflect the negative energy that recently surrounded the bullying incident. Circle or highlight any pessimistic answers they give. Be sure to leave plenty of room in the middle of the paper for a question later on and now on the right side, record what students say when you ask them “How do you want to be remembered?” Chances are they will want to be remembered for their positive character traits and abilities. After you record their answers, draw a road from the left side of the paper to the right side and ask them one last question that you can rephrase in a variety of ways. “How are you going to get there?” “What are you going to do to make that happen?” Or “What is your plan? Be specific.” This activity works well because the students are doing most, if not all of the talking. They take ownership of this activity because it is using their words. They key is to display it in the classroom and constantly refer back to it.
These strategies are meant to be used multiple times and in conjunction with each other. Collaborate with your colleagues and implement variations of these techniques or just use these ideas as a spring-board to think of other ways to problem-solve in the classroom. The key here is to creatively provide our students with a new perspective so they can cope with and recover from the bullying so we can all do what we came here to do…. Learning and teaching.
In every classroom exists various and sometimes complicated dynamics between students. Some students get along and others don’t. Some students tolerate each other while others aren’t even aware of their existence. Bullying is a growing issue in schools all over the world, but what happens when you introduce a one-to-one iPad initiative where students, some as young as eight, have control over their own cyber-worlds.
In my 5th grade classroom, every student has an iPad and they bring it home with them after school. Presumably to study and complete homework. Our school was aware that students were also using the iPads to communicate with each other after-hours and we were doing our best to monitor and secure such conversations… but one slipped through the cracks. A death threat. A specific and detailed death threat sent on a Friday, after school in an e-mail from one student to another. The student who sent the e-mail was fed up with being bullied and he wanted even.
Amazing how recovery from such an incident takes far more time and energy than the incident itself. I knew that if I wanted a peaceful and productive remainder of the year, I had to think fast. I wanted the energy in our classroom to be positive as I wanted my students to continue learning in a safe environment. While I found a lot of advice on how to prevent bullying, I wasn’t able to find much on how to recover from the inevitable. That’s when I dug deep into my buffet table of personal life lessons, Oprah episodes and Dr. Phil analogies. I was shocked at how helpful something like marriage advice was in the classroom. “Would you rather be right or happy?” was a question I could carry from home to school with me, and back again. The following are some strategies that I found helpful when trying to repair student dynamics after a serious bullying incident, but these strategies may be helpful in dealing with a varying degree of ongoing issues as well. They are meant to repair by providing a new perspective and can be implemented with just two students, a small group or the whole class.
Pre-teens and teens can be catty. They can be rude and mean to one another with their words and body language. Try to nip it in the bud by having a meeting with the students involved and tell them that you understand they don’t like each other. This is natural and normal and you aren’t going to tell them they have to be friends, but what if you suggested to them that they choose a time-frame, perhaps one hour out of the school-day where they specifically don’t say anything mean to each other. Just this one hour. Of course this is not a free-pass to say and do whatever they want outside of the designated time-frame, but it sets the stage for what is possible. It creates what could become a pattern. Of course this would only work with willing participants, but is a great way to begin the change everyone wishes to see.
We already explored a different time-frame, now what about a different location. Sometimes kids get into a routine, where they know when they enter the saaame classroom, they sit in the saaame seat and pull the pigtails of the saaame girl who always sits in front of them. Try verbally problem-solving elsewhere. If you have to stay on school grounds, go for a walk around the perimeter of the school or sit in the courtyard. Maybe there is a bench or even another classroom where you can discuss what is going on with your students. If you are allowed to leave school grounds, take your students to park, restaurant or other public location. Sometimes, in the classroom where the bullying has taken place, there is negative (and contagious) energy and an already established expectation of which people play which roles. The idea of moving to a different location attempts to neutralize the unhealthy relationship that was previously established.
You’d be surprised by how much students care about extrinsic rewards. Whether it’s a pizza party or a field trip, encouraging the class to work together towards a goal creates a team mindset. Students shift their attitude from “It’s no longer me against you. Now it’s us against them.” Healthy competition and a point system where students have to work together to earn a reward can go a long way in both preventing and repairing student dynamics with regard to bullying.
Literally bury the hatchet. Of course most schools will have a rule against bringing a hatchet onto school grounds in the first place, but explaining the saying to your students and literally burying a hatchet in the school yard (of course you can dig it up later for safety) may resonate with and even humor some students. This could be a great spring-board for some of the other strategies.
This activity works especially well immediately following a bullying incident, when the negative energy is still fresh in the students’ minds. As the one of the first steps when little to no repair efforts have yet been made. Start by discussing with students the idea that when people are no longer here (whether they moved away or died) they are remembered for specific qualities. “Oh, she was a really sweet girl.” Or “Yea, he was an incredibly stubborn man.” Likewise, classes are remembered when they graduate and are no longer here. “Gee, the class of 2012 sure was a creative group of kids.” Or “The class of 2013 really was a rowdy bunch.” On the left side of a large poster board or even bulletin board paper, write down what students say when you ask them “As of right now, how do you think we will be remembered?” Chances are their words will reflect the negative energy that recently surrounded the bullying incident. Circle or highlight any pessimistic answers they give. Be sure to leave plenty of room in the middle of the paper for a question later on and now on the right side, record what students say when you ask them “How do you want to be remembered?” Chances are they will want to be remembered for their positive character traits and abilities. After you record their answers, draw a road from the left side of the paper to the right side and ask them one last question that you can rephrase in a variety of ways. “How are you going to get there?” “What are you going to do to make that happen?” Or “What is your plan? Be specific.” This activity works well because the students are doing most, if not all of the talking. They take ownership of this activity because it is using their words. They key is to display it in the classroom and constantly refer back to it.
These strategies are meant to be used multiple times and in conjunction with each other. Collaborate with your colleagues and implement variations of these techniques or just use these ideas as a spring-board to think of other ways to problem-solve in the classroom. The key here is to creatively provide our students with a new perspective so they can cope with and recover from the bullying so we can all do what we came here to do…. Learning and teaching.
