Shahida Kamar :
I am evidence to the fact that people can change their ways and bad habits.
As a mother of two boys (Onik, 15 and Refat 12) and one girl (Shahida, 8), I initially found motherhood very daunting and, at times, very exasperating. Sure there was lots of seemingly ‘good’ advice as to how to maintain discipline in the home from well-meaning friends and relatives.
As a new mother, I’m referring back to the birth of Onik, all advice (both good and bad) was soaked-in like ink takes to blotting paper. I knew no different and relied heavily on opinions and advice from the alleged ‘expert’ mothers, which I now regret.
Corporal punishment was common in my home. It was never severe, but sufficient to cause a stinging sensation and bring about change in attitude. It was the norm of the day in most homes.
This all changed when Onik was about 10-years-old. He had arrived home from school one day in a shocking, distressed state. He had bruises on his back and on the backs of his legs. He was crying uncontrollably and said he never wanted to return to school again. A teacher had beaten him for not answering a question correctly.
My heart bled for him and even my comforting hugs didn’t seem to work. I was beside myself with concern and I was alone. My husband, Annis, was overseas. They say Allah works in many mysterious ways and I can vouch for that. While I was sobbing to myself in my bedroom behind closed doors (I didn’t want the children to see me cry) I happened to glance at a newspaper report written by Sir Frank Peters about corporal punishment and all its ill effects.
The report was beautifully written and packed with wisdom and sound advice. It was written in a blunt, down-to-earth, no-nonsense style and didn’t beat around the bush. As I read it, I felt he was talking to me direct and virtually accusing me of not being a loving parent, if I allowed teachers to beat my children!
I probably read the report three times that evening, it gave me comfort. The following day I followed his advice and confronted the teacher responsible for Onik’s suffering. I approached the school in total trepidation and my heart thumping so loud I thought the neighbours could hear, but without going into detail everything went better than I had ever imagined.
The end result was that Onik was never hit again or given any form of corporal punishment. That positive result inspired me to speak with the teachers of Refat and Shahida and set in place protection for them.
To say Sir Frank’s good advice was timely and a Godsend to my family and me is a gross understatement. I still remember reading the report and my tears wetting the newsprint. I was totally frustrated, not knowing what to do, but the report encouraged and empowered me to act to help my son and I’m so glad I did.
There is no doubt in my mind that corporal punishment is a dreadful curse, a tool of the devil, which separates parents from their off-spring and damages the children they love.
Having experienced wonderful results ever since I stopped corporal punishment in my home and prevented teachers from hitting my children, I can honestly say that we are a much happier family. The children confide in me more than ever before. I’m their friend as well as everything else and we do more things together. They love, trust and respect me more because they know I offer them protection, security and love.
I do not believe in telling people how to live their lives, but if there’s one bit of advice I can offer parents reading this, it is to abolish corporal punishment in the home and especially to ensure their children are not subjected to it at school.
As Sir Frank said if you love your child, preventing your child from being damaged by corporal punishment is a simple task to perform. Just go to your child’s school or madrasah, meet the teacher/s and tell them you do not want your child to be hit. He said bully teachers lose their power and back down when confronted.
I totally agree (from personal experience).
